Why Do Marriages Fail?

Divorce is never the intention when you first get married. No couple embark on the journey of marriage with the prospect of divorce as their aim. On the contrary, they get married because they want to be together forever and their intention is to enjoy every minute of it. That was certainly the case when we saw our grandparents grow old together. It seemed that the longer they stayed together, the stronger their love would grow and the more in love they would become. And that is exactly what we have grown to expect from our marriages; unconditional love and happiness. But that is far from what we are seeing today. Divorce is increasing at an alarming rate and are getting nastier than ever.

So what are the main causes of divorce?

Poor Communication

Poor communication is one of the main causes of divorce. That is because poor communication causes simple misunderstandings to be blown completely out of proportion. Important conversations thus become heated arguments and that simply leaves both parties in a worse off situation than when they started. Most couples do not set out to have arguments but a lack of proper communication is an easy way to start one. If a couple is unable to communicate with each other, they will never be able to work towards the same goals and will thus always be at odds. Divorce thus becomes the salvation they both look towards.

Unreasonable Expectations

The media has painted a very unrealistic picture of what marriages should be like. They present marriage as an easy bed of roses that will always bring you happiness. That could not be farther from the truth. Anyone seeking to build the perfect marriage is in for a very rude awakening. Marriage involves two imperfect people and thus could not be perfect. The more unreasonable your expectations are, the more unhappy your marriage will be. Couples need to take the time to understand what their spouse needs in order to find ways to make them happy too. Marriage cannot only be about seeking your own happiness.

One Sided Opinions

Couples that do not learn to compromise will inevitably fail. The more selfish your opinions are, the more likely your marriage is to end up in divorce. The truth is that there is just simply too much that is at stake for you to throw your marriage away because of something small. Couples end up at divorce court because one party doesn’t like the way the other one cooks or because the husband cannot be bothered to listen to his wife. Small matters like these can quickly become heated debates and a name calling session. The best way to avoid these horrible arguments is to learn to compromise.

Disagreement on Major Issues

Some couples also race into marriage and do not take the time to truly understand their mate. The results are often very disappointing. Couples thus end up getting divorced because it only when they get married that they realize how truly different they are. Matters such as how to raise their children and those concerning religion are often the topics that start the most heated debates. Couples need to first discuss these very sensitive issues before they end up in divorce court. They often lament that they wished they had known all the facts before getting married and I urge you not to make this mistake yourself.

Meddling In-Laws

Couples who allow their in-laws to have too much power over their relationship will often end up in turmoil. That is because sooner or later one of the parties in the marriage will begin to resent the constant meddling while the other will view it as helpful advice. The longer this persists, the worse the backlash is going to be. Couples need to learn to find the balance between taking meaningful advice and learning to stand on their own two feet if they intend for their marriage to last.

Refusal to Get Help

Some couples also refuse to get help. They are too proud to see a counselor and for this reason their marriage will continue to weaken until it is no more. Many proud couples often state that they do not want anyone prying in their business. But these individuals fail to see that their lawyers will have to pry through everyone ounce of secret they may have throughout the process of the divorce. All your strengths, weakness, finances and even your medical history will be up for grabs during the divorce proceedings. Which options seems worse? Why not seek out the help of a trained professional to get your marriage back on track before it is too late?

Infidelity

Infidelity is one of the most dangerous blows to any marriage. The innocent party is often too devastated to ever forgive their spouse. This is one of the most painful forms of disrespect any human can face. Very few marriages are able to survive after an act of unfaithfulness and even so, they can never be the same again. The innocent party will find it very hard to trust their spouse and this will lead to a lot of heated fights. Simple errands will result in serious interrogations and all of your friendships will be questioned. Life becomes very difficult after someone cheats.

If your relationship is struggling consider calling one of the top marriage counselors in the San Diego area.  David L. Christopher LMFT Counseling & Therapy